Running Restart — 2020

August 19

After more than two years, I have picked up this sport again and restarted running. There is no special reason—my body simply could not keep going: insomnia and vivid dreams every night (tonight I even dreamed of dying—coughing blood wildly, both terrified and helpless, then consciousness fading), short of breath after two steps, exhausted climbing a flight of stairs; nearly zero daily exercise…

Over these two years, besides less exercise, there has been more work, less sense of self, a feeling of becoming a slave to life. Self-discipline weakened; spare time went to binge gaming—perhaps mainly because I had not clearly understood the meaning of living versus merely being alive.

I fell asleep at 1 a.m. last night and woke at 6. My eyes were painfully dry. I tossed until 6:30, could not bear it, and got up. I changed into workout clothes and went running—there was no plan made in advance…

On the road, from the neighborhood to the nearest park, five laps around the park, and all the good feelings came back. I decided to keep at it, record it, and share it.